Ghosts of Birthday Cakes Past

What have I gotten myself into?

Every single year, I attempt to make a cake or cupcakes for my son's birthday. Something that is a reflection of what he's interested at the time. I remember them all like they were yesterday. A few times I got lucky enough to have some extremely talented friends make the cakes for me, but the ones that I baked myself were particularly memorable because of the stress they caused!

There was the Elmo cake for the first birthday that gave me a terrible cramp from piping all of those red stars to make up his furry face. The caterpillar from Baby Einstein with the fondant polka dots that was so attractive to my precious two year old that he decided to shove a hand into it an hour before the party started. Spongebob cupcakes, worms and dirt, conecakes, sharks (yes, sharks! Made of Twinkies dipped in melted frosting dyed grey), Pokemon and Kirby.

This year the request was for Minecraft cupcakes to bring to school. With the invention of Pinterest, it was easy to find some good ideas...but the problem with Pinterest is that while something may look amazing, it can turn out to be an epic fail. Trust me on this one. That's a whole other blog post.

Still, I figured I had to give it a whirl. If the boy wants Minecraft creeper cupcakes, I will try my best to make them. There is a lot of technical work involved which is being delegated to the husband. G is a graphic artist and unlike me, can cut a straight line. So he is in charge of making the templates and cutting out shapes. WHAT? Templates? Shapes? What happened to a box of Duncan Hines and a can of frosting? Or better yet, buying cupcakes already made at the grocery store or bakery?

I know, I know.

But honestly, as stressed as I get...I love doing it. I may not be as skilled as some, but they are made with 100% love. And some bad words. And a couple of silent hissy fits.

Like the one I had earlier today when the first cake I made wouldn't come out of the pan. When I flipped it over to a tray, only part came out. Fortunately no one was hear to hear the filth that came out of my mouth. I wonder if Auntie Ina ever lets one fly? She HAS to. I can see her spilling a bottle of her "good" vanilla and dropping an S-bomb. Or maybe Jeffrey came home late and now the f-ing chicken is cold and ruined. Who knows?

Anyway, the cakes are baked, cream cheese frosting (Auntie's recipe) is tinted green (boy she would probably be up in arms about that), shapes are cut out of fruit leather. All I need to do is cut them, frost them, spray them with green aerosol frosting using the template, and put the faces on. As Auntie says, "How easy is thaaaaaat?"

Update....

I Feel So Dirty....

I just violated a chicken.

Auntie had me doing unspeakable things to the poor bird!

As much as I enjoy chicken, I don't really like to cook them. Cutlets are fine, but anything with bones just seems too involved. Besides, my local grocery sells them already cooked and ready to go for under $7....so why the hell would I fuss around with a salmonella bomb when I can have it already prepared for me?

The only time I fuss with a bird is for Thanksgiving. I loooove making turkey! I have no problem sticking my hands between the skin and the meat and massaging the herb butter all over it. I clean it and rub it and tie it all up. Somewhere right now my Kosher grandmother is rolling over in her grave. And if my Vegetarian husband is reading this, he's trying not to throw up in his mouth.

A chicken just doesn't seem worth the effort, but Auntie has a recipe for Perfect Roast Chicken. Here's the link:

Ina's Perfect Roast Chicken

I got my supplies, which were pretty basic. Onion, lemon, garlic, salt, pepper, butter and fresh thyme. Upon reading the recipe I see that Ina wants me to shove the majority of these items up the chicken's hoo-ha. Ok. I can handle that. But for some reason all of those things did not want to fit into my chicken. I had to cram the 2 lemon halves, a head of garlic and a bunch of thyme in there and it did not want to go. I was getting a little disturbed that I was having to become a little too familiar with this bird. The last lemon half only went partially in, so I had to call it a day and just tie it all up. I'll share with you  a photograph of the poor, molested bird...

I shoved that thing in the oven and walked the hell away. Ugh. I also made Ina's Roasted Carrots to go with it, since it was simple and I had a bag of carrots about to die in the fridge.

Here is the link:

Roasted Carrots

No glamour shots of those, but I have to say they were REALLY good! I don't like cooked carrots at all, and I ate these no problem. The kid even choked two down without throwing up!

As for the chicken, that was looking and smelling pretty darn good after about an hour and a half. Here it is out of the oven...

Yep. It's a chicken. I also made gravy as Auntie suggested. I have to be honest. While this was a perfectly tasty chicken, I prefer the rotisserie ones they sell at my independent grocer. Therefore, I will not be shoving my hand into a bird again until Thanksgiving.

For my next culinary experience, I will be making cupcakes for my son's 10th birthday. Not Ina. As much as I loooove her cupcake recipes they are not popular amongst the tween set. Once a year I test my patience by making a ridiculous facsimile of whatever it is that my son is into at that time. So this time it's Minecraft cupcakes. I'll be taking you along with me on that journey. Heads up. It involves templates, aerosol frosting spray, and fruit leather. Start praying for me now!

Shh! Don't Tell Auntie!

Only one day into my experience with Auntie Ina and I am already straying! 

I did say I would be sharing other experiences here, and it happens to be a holiday today. Not a major holiday, but a Jewish holiday. It's Purim, which I can only describe as being like a Jewish Halloween. You dress up in costume, give and get treats, and generally make merry. This is all supposed to happen at Temple. 

When I was a kid, my dad offered to take me to Purim services at our synagogue. I remember dressing up like a cat, with ears and whiskers and a tail. I also remember getting to the temple, opening the door to the sanctuary, and then immediately starting to cry. I don't remember why, but I must have been freaked out by something. Needless to say, we left. The next time I went to temple on Purim was more than 25 years later. It was ok. No tears this time. Still, I haven't been back since. So this gives you a sense of just how observant I am. 

The one tradition I do observe is the FOOD!

Maybe if I paid more attention to the religion and not the tradition I would be able to fit in my old jeans. But I digress....

Jewish cooking is how I express myself at holiday time. So while I may not be shoved into double Spanx and pantyhose sitting in temple, I am observing in my own way. With hamantaschen. 

Hamantaschen are triangle-shaped cookies with filling. Traditionally prune, poppy, apricot, or raspberry. Poppy is for old people. Prune is second in line for the old people. G loves the prune ones though. I like the apricot and raspberry, but over the years I have experimented with peanut butter and jelly, Nutella, and cherry. If Ina had a recipe for Hamentaschen I would certainly try it, but until then I use Joan Nathan's dough and my own filling. 

This year, a friend of mine sent me a link to a website that had 32 recipes for "alternative" Hamantaschen. Here is the link:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/marcelle/crazy-hamantaschen-flavors-for-purim?sub=2031646_895139

As soon as I saw the first one, I was hooked. Caramel Apple Hamantaschen? Oy vey, everybody!

I went to the store and picked up my supplies, including the must have prune filling....

And then made the dulce de leche. 

Before....

And after.....

Pretty cool, huh?

I enlisted the troops for the rest of the cookie making. Partly because it's a Sunday, a holiday, and a nice opportunity to spend time together. The other part is because I suck at rolling out dough and cutting shapes. Seriously. I hate doing that.

So, we got the kiddo to roll some dough (note the flour all over his shirt)...

And G cut out the circles. After that it was on! I was the filler, shaper, and baker. I've been making them for years, so I have the system down. I used prune, apricot, and the caramel apple filling. Here is the finished product:

So while we may not have gone to celebrate Purim at synagogue, we have recognized the holiday by making Hamentaschen. And we will eat them celebrating the other important holiday today....The Oscars! We're multi-cultural like that. Tomorrow, back to Auntie Ina and her Perfect Roast Chicken!

Roasted Potato Fennel Soup in the Rain

It's been raining here in Connecticut all day. Not quite cold enough for it to snow, but it is raw and grey. Perfect day for soup, right?

When I decided to do this project, I wasn't going to do all of the recipes in order. Some are better suited for warmer weather, or company, or special occasions. I figured I would just pick whatever I was in the mood for. That will work in the beginning but I have a feeling after I have exhausted the popular choices I am going to be stuck with some strange stuff in the end. Brussels Sprouts and Tea Sandwiches, anyone?

So....the name of the recipe is Roasted Potato Fennel Soup. Here is a link to the recipe if you don't have the cookbook. But really...if you don't have the cookbook you need to go get it. Now.

http://www.food.com/recipe/roasted-potato-fennel-soup-288439

I stopped at the store this morning to get my ingredients. Nothing fancy in the soup other than fennel. Also known as Anise. Or in my house, with a 9 year old boy and a husband with a 9 year old sense of humor...its Anus. Yes, let's all get the sillies out now. Anise sounds like anus. Get it?

Well, I was not at my favorite local market. I was at some ghetto Stop and Shop that had no Fennel/Anise. Fortunately I was able to text a friend who was at another grocery store up the road and she got me some. She stuck it in her mailbox and I picked it up on my way home.

The reason I didn't ring her bell is that the entire house, with the exception of my friend, is contaminated. With the FLU. Ugh. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I took that fennel and threw the bag away (in the garage...not even taking in in my house) that she put it in, washed the crap out of the fennel and then went to town with the anti-bacterial soap. As my lady Sweet Brown so eloquently says...."Ain't nobody got time fo flu!"

I plan on dropping off a container of soup on her doorstep tomorrow. But I refuse to touch the doorbell. Eww. Back to the soup.

So here are my red potatoes about to hit the oven....

After they roasted and I sautéed the fennel and onion, I added it all together with the broth. Pretty easy. It cooked for about an hour, then I added the milk. OH....the milk. Ina was calling for cream. I just couldn't do it. So there will be times when I substitute. Nothing crazy. No way I would use Splenda for sugar or applesauce for butter. That's just sacrilege.  I just may lay off the heavy cream if I think I can get away with it.

Here is the finished product....

Thankfully, it was really good. G (the husband) really loved it and thought it was the perfect thing for a cold, rainy day. It had a good texture and little flecks of the red potato skin in it. Ina loves to suggest that everyone use a food mill to puree their food. Unfortunately I do not have one. Surprising, since I have loads of kitchen gadgets that rarely get used. Mango pitter. Avocado slicer. You get the picture. What I did use was an immersion blender...one of those magic wands you stick right into the pot to puree it. No problems there, but I still feel less than whole without one of Auntie's food mills that she got at her local East Hampton hardware store.

For the kid's part....I made the deal with him that he had to have one bite of everything that I made from this cookbook and he agreed. So, let's get to his review. And I quote...."It looks like mutant barf!" Yep. That was about it. Apparently he thinks it tastes like eggs even though he hasn't touched an egg since he was about two years old. Fortunately he did not spit soup out all over my floor and managed to swallow it. And there you have it.

Recipe number one in Cooking With Auntie Ina was a success. Was it the best soup EVER???? No. Was it good? Yes. Will I make it again? Yep. So far, so good. I knew you wouldn't let me down, Auntie I!

And So It Begins....

This is Ina Garten

This is me

I am in no way related to Ina Garten, though I have referred to her as "Auntie Ina" for years now. You could say there's a slight resemblance. I could pass for a niece. Chubby, Jewish, Brunette. I even have my own Jeffrey. What I do NOT have is a faaaabulous house in East Hampton. Or a posse of faaaabulous gays. I did go to senior prom with one. Does that count? It could, right?

1999 was a monumental year for me. It was the year I got married. We had a lovely wedding, and after we got back from our honeymoon in England we settled into our apartment in the Boston area. I had put away all of the wedding and shower gifts and denied myself the use of them until I was legally married. Upon returning, I could not wait to rip into the boxes full of Williams Sonoma measuring cups and spoons, Henckels knives, Emile Henry casseroles, Calphalon pots and pans, etc. To go with all of that loot was a cookbook called Barefoot Contessa. I didn't know anything about Ina at the time, and I was somewhat aware that Barefoot Contessa was a shop in the Hamptons on Long Island...about an hours drive from where I grew up. Little did I know that I not only entered a marriage with my husband that summer in 1999, but I had started a little something on the side with Ina.

Thirteen years later, we are still together. My husband and I....and Auntie Ina too. I have had a baby since then, and she's had seven cookbooks.

The first one will always be my favorite, although I love all of them (well, maybe not Barefoot in Paris). I thought I would cook my way through it with the exception of a few recipes. Certain things I just can't deal with. Like lamb. Blech. Or too much lobster. Other than that, I will force myself to make the recipes I haven't tried yet and the old favorites too. I'll document them with photographs and anecdotes. I'll even get the family in on it. I have made a deal with my fussy 9-year-old that if I do this project that he has to take at least ONE bite of everything that I make. He also wants to do some reviews as well, so we'll see how that goes!

There will be other recipes that are not Ina (oh, the horror!) scattered in-between. Usually surrounded by a holiday or other event that doesn't call for Auntie's brilliance and butter-laden treats. There will also be lots of other rambling in regards to whatever is rattling around in my head at the moment. So please, don't expect a straight up cooking blog.

YES! I know that this has been done before. I read Julie/Julia. I thought it was great even if Julie ended up being kind of bitchy and unlikeable. I know there are other blogs doing it too, but this is just something that I really want to do. If you'd like to read along with me, welcome to the party. It's going to be faaaaaabulous.