Karma's A Bitch....Because it Couldn't Possibly Be Auntie!

Yep, Karma.

I wonder if my nightmare with the Pecan Squares last night happened because I publicly disparaged Auntie Ina and her frozen food? Did some kind of Hamptons Higher Power decide that I needed to be punished for my rants?

Let's start at the beginning.

Every year my husband's company sponsors a fundraiser for a local hospital and their cancer center by having a bake sale. This year I decided to use the occasion to knock off another one of the desserts from the cookbook. This one in particular was never a favorite of mine. The calorie count is off the charts and has enough butter in it to make even Paula Deen say "OH Hell, No!"

Pecan Squares. With NINE sticks of butter. Yes. You heard me. NINE. Five in the dough and four in the filling. Never mind the honey, brown sugar, heavy cream and pecans. I am afraid that I may have given some poor person at the bake sale a heart attack today. Or poisoned them. Not sure.

It was easy enough to make the base of the bars. I pressed all of the dough into a jelly roll pan lined with parchment. I par-baked it just as Ina said. I made the filling on the stove, poured over the cooled dough, and popped in the oven.

I must have been distracted by the television. You see, it is Justin Timberlake week on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. I faithfully DVR Jimmy every night, but when you throw Justin in the mix I am very easily thrown for a loop. They are my absolute favorites! So....a marching band could have been going through my living room and I probably would not have noticed because I was too busy mooning and swooning over Jimmy and Justin. Maybe I should have been paying more attention to the oven, but I did not notice the smoky odor coming from the kitchen until J&J were finished with whatever they were doing.

Opening the oven door led to plumes of smoke billowing out into the kitchen and quickly spread to the rest of my house. Despite the freezing temperatures windows were opened, candles lit, and curses were tossed out very liberally.

All of that butter, sugar, honey and such boiled up and bubbled over the side of my pan onto the oven floor. I could just hear Auntie laughing at me from her new East Hampton library.

I was able to salvage the pecan bars, although they did have a vaguely smoky taste to them. Since they were ridiculously expensive to make (2 pounds of pecans alone are about $20) I wasn't going to toss them.

So, laugh it up Auntie. You got me. I made fun of your frozen food venture and now your 900-calorie, butter laden, $20 in pecans-having bars vomited all over my oven and stunk up my house. I get it. Don't mess with Ina.

Here is the link in case you feel like throwing a lot of money away, eating WAY too many calories, clogging your arteries and ruining your oven:

Pecan Squares (You've been warned)

Pecan Squares

Cross section